My Soul Hurts

I really hoped that 2021 would be better. I didn’t come into it with high hopes. But there were hopes. I believed that after the atrocities of 2020 that things must change. They did…for the worse. 1/6/21 was such a horrific day. I am haunted by the images and the questions. The words of the politicians, mainly the president, who fueled a fire that became an inferno echo in my head. The empath in me feels the fear and uncertainty of this country as we watched in horror.

Many of us are still living in fear as we move forward toward the inauguration. We are scared of what is possibly coming. This is not the America we grew up in. This is more like the foreign countries we watched on tv and wondered what could cause such hatred in the world. Now we are living that hatred and wondering what the hell happened to allow this? How did the people we know become these people who are enraged and filled with hate?

Aren’t these the same people who told the rest of the country four years ago to “get over it and accept our new president”? Why can’t they follow their own advice? Why is it that they can’t just accept that this vile, hateful man lost? Yes, there are a lot of them. But there’s also a lot of others who were tired of the hate and tired of the bullying. And those people voted. And while they may have had a lot of people, the other team did as well and this is the one time I was glad we had an electoral college. For once, it did what it should.

I have been grieving and depressed about what has been going on over the last week. Actually, I guess the last four years has just caught up and it’s been overwhelming. My soul hurts. All of this divisiveness and hate has worn on me. My heart aches that people can’t seem to stop screaming and realize that we are never going to accomplish anything by fighting each other. Nothing. All of this damn fighting is for NOTHING. It needs to stop. The world is laughing at us. They are watching the USA as if we are nothing but a fucking reality shit show. And guess what! That’s what we are right now.

If you want to make America great, then act like a good American citizen and do what is right for your COUNTRY and quit letting your fucking party dictate your behavior. If you want to say you are a Christian, ACT LIKE IT! I honestly do not think Jesus would have gone through the US Capitol smearing shit through the halls. Seriously. I do not think that is the answer when the question is WWJD? I also don’t think He would condone beating a police officer to death. So think about those things when you scream how Christian you are. Think about that when you pretend to pray. Then maybe you should actually pray.

I read an open letter tonight to Congressman Mo Brooks from someone who was a friend of his and a former colleague. The letter was one of the most well-written pieces I have read in quite some time. One thing that stopped me and just made me repeat it over and over was this passage where Mr. Barclay was pointing out the responsibility of the hateful words and how they incited violence: “You know full well that Mr. Trump’s rhetoric, and more to the point, your own rhetoric, fomented the violence which resulted in the breach of the Capitol, the destruction of property, and, most importantly, the murder of a law enforcement officer. His blood is on your hands, and you can never wash that stain from your soul.”

I read it and repeated it to myself out loud. “You can never wash that stain from your soul.” That is such a strong and damning statement. And it is so true. When we try to say that our actions should have or do not have any consequences, we are being irresponsible. Our words are like Newton’s Third Law of Motion. Each action has an equal and opposite reaction. “The statement means that in every interaction, there is a pair of forces acting on the two interacting objects. The size of the forces on the first object equals the size of the force on the second object. The direction of the force on the first object is opposite to the direction of the force on the second object.” (https://www.physicsclassroom.com/class/newtlaws/Lesson-4/Newton-s-Third-Law#:~:text=Formally%20stated%2C%20Newton’s%20third%20law,force%20on%20the%20second%20object.)

Those words were the force and the riot was the reaction and the push back to the force. Basically, cause and effect. And now there is an indelible bloodstain on the hands of the president as well as other government officials who supported him, including those from my own state.

I doubt the president has the capacity to understand the meaning of the words from the letter, much less feel any remorse. But I do know of Mr. Brooks’ work throughout North Alabama and hope that these words pierce his conscience as they pierced my heart when I read them. I know Mr. Brooks has a conscience. I do feel his words will haunt him. I feel there will be remorse. Eventually. It may take some time, but the old saying is that time heals all wounds. I am truly praying that time will heal the wounds of my country. To be such a young country, we have gone through a lot and some things have been at the hands of our own citizens. I pray our citizens open their eyes and see that they’re doing nothing but destroying the country they so claim to love. If you truly love this country, you’ll stop. You will dig deep and realize that as an adult there are times when we endure things we don’t like. We do things for the greater good. We adult when we don’t want to. We behave like civilized people. We do not behave as King George did in 1776, which caused the American Revolution.

We all know the preamble to the Declaration of Independence. But do you know this: “He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.”

This is exactly what happened recently by our own fellow citizens. Our country should learn from the past and do better in the future. And right now I want to feel better. I want my soul to not hurt. I want to know that everything is going to be ok tomorrow and the next day and the day after.

God bless you and please…God bless the USA.

Alright 2021…let’s be friends!

2021, I thought I was friends with 2020. Turns out she was a bitch and apparently her name was Karen. She drank a lot and was like a loose fucking cannon. And she argued with a white cat a lot. I really hope you’re better. I really can’t handle another 2020 situationship or another Karen. I can handle another white cat, though. So if you’re up for that, I am, too.

So here’s what I need in this friendship: I need some reciprocity. If I am nice, you need to be nice. It’s really simple. I also need you to take any medications that are necessary to keep you on an even keel. The bullshit that 2020 gave of murder hornets, Corona Virus, quarantines, hiding toilet paper, online arguments and some crazy orange man taking over the White House and sending out tweets to twits was just some over-the-top crazy. So 2021, take your damn meds! I’m all about holistic approaches, but not when you’re bouncing all over the place. Please! I am begging. Take your meds. You’ll feel better and so will the rest of the world.

I also need for you to give some warning of any chaos that may be coming. And can you please, for the love of God, keep Mother Nature from drinking too much? Last year she got a little crazy with some weather mood swings. We’d go from hot as Hades to freezing our asses off in the blink of an eye. Well, when we walked from our house to our cars trying to find the elusive toilet paper and Clorox wipes.

Maybe this year you can bring us some peace? That would be nice. Peace on earth and goodwill towards men (and women) would be such a nice change. It would be wonderful to be able to talk to others without screaming about politics and such. It would be great to have some pleasant things to talk about. Can you find some good things for us? All over the world? Please.

And maybe sprinkle some fairy dust or whatever it would take everywhere so that our moods improve. 2020/Karen really brought out the worst in us. I know there were times I behaved in ways I never thought imaginable. There was even the episode that my friends and I now refer to as “the day that Anonymous went Walmart on someone’s ass.” It was not a pretty day and many curse words were used. It was effective but it was not my normal nature.

Now I’d like to tell you that I am really glad you’re here, 2021. I am. I think your name should be Hope. You don’t look like a Karen at all. Let’s be friends and do some great things!

Mid 2020

This year has been one of the craziest of my life. And I have had some crazy years. One year all of my immediate family died. This is ranking right up there with that type of crazy.

2020 has brought us a pandemic that has killed thousands, Civil Rights Movement part 2, so many celebrity deaths, locusts in foreign lands, unemployment crisis, toilet paper shortages, hate and violence that seems to be the beginning of another Civil War and an orange president who doesn’t seem to give a damn. Europe has closed its borders to us. And I had to laugh when I read that Mexico closed its border to the US in Arizona because COVID-19 numbers had surged. You know things are crazy when that happens. My friend and laughed and said, “Well, Mexico may pay to build that wall after all! TO KEEP US OUT!” If it wasn’t so sad, it would truly be funny.

But right now, not much is funny. Many of us are wearing masks that everyone hates. Some refuse to because they feel the government is overstepping. I find it interesting that these same people love their republican government but haven’t figured out that those people are the ones mandating the damn masks for the most part. Or in the state of Alabama, the governor is being such a wimp and saying they can’t govern the masks but each city can make their own decision whether to enforce a mask rule or not. Bullshit. Quit making it hard on the cities and municipalities. Say that the mask rule is in place and you stand behind it and with the mayors and law enforcement. Don’t just shrug and say, “Well, I can’t really do anything.” You sure as hell opened up those beaches too early and our COVID numbers went up quickly. You did something then. You opened up the state too quickly so you wouldn’t have to pay all that unemployment. You did something then. So you can’t enforce a mask regulation? Bullshit.

I just want to live normally again. I want my life back. It wasn’t much of one, but it was mine. I want to be able to hug someone without admonishments. I want to see the man I was seeing before this crazy and kiss him again. I want to be able to cough without people looking at me like I am killing them.

I want 2020 to settle its ass down and let’s get back to normal.