Back to more pressing matters. What the hell is going on with the candidates for President in the United States? The way I see it is that we are just screwed. I don’t see one candidate that really is stellar. I see a whole bunch of stooges, though!
When Donald Trump came on the scene I honestly thought it was a joke. Seriously. I thought it was a joke to promote some dumb business of his. The joke hasn’t stopped and he actually has people on his bandwagon. And it scares the hell out of me. This man is an ego-maniac, narcissistic, pompous, uncouth loudmouth who feels he is qualified to lead our country? The man who now claims to be such a good Christian but has had 3 wives, each of whom he has cheated on (well maybe not Melania yet). He has been degrading towards women and talked openly about his disdain toward them. He also talks negatively about immigrants. Now I believe we should have a handle on who is entering out country and how, but his degrading comments are positively repulsive. They’re also laughable since he married 2 women who were not Americans! Hypocrite much, Trump? Also, what about his mockery of people with disabilities? If a man of his age and stature openly makes fun of someone with a disability, how can we trust him in important situations where he is representing our country and should be showing some decorum? We can’t. It’s that simple. Has the man had luck in business? Absolutely. But this country isn’t just a business. It is so many more things than that. It needs a leader who can show diplomacy, decorum, humility and restraint. Donald Trump cannot do that.
The other Republican candidates are pretty iffy, too. They want to stand on their Christian beliefs as their main qualifications to be President. I’m a Christian but I’m not qualified to lead this country. Every now and then I have a good idea but it’s not enough. I don’t like Ted Cruz’s yelling mentality. He must think he is a Southern Baptist preacher or something. You don’t have to yell to get your point across. Have a good point and say it. Marco Rubio has some good points but I am not sure if he is ripe enough to get there.
Then we move on the the Democrats. Hillary or Bernie. Wow. I used to love Hillary…back when she was First Lady. Now not so much. After the email thing and Benghazi…no. And Bernie? Bernie, honey, you can’t make everything free and expect no one to have to pay for it. It has to be paid for and guess where that money is coming from? My pockets! I don’t like that!!!!!
All in all, I think Americans are going to be screwed. We don’t have a good choice. I can honestly say that I will vote for anyone OPPOSITE of Trump. I have to. I cannot, with good conscience, vote for that man.
I hate my brain at times. It won’t shut down. It replays painful things and analyzes them. Why did this happen? What is wrong with me? What is wrong with him? Am I going to always hurt?
I want to go to bed right now but my brain is spinning. It won’t stop. I hurt but yet I am very angry. I want to tell him off but that is pointless. He would take it as “she still wants me” and what it really is is the fact that I think he is a pompous asshole who needs to be told that treating people that way is shitty.
I didn’t turn my love off. I can’t do that. But I realized that his treatment of me was horrific. My heart is still tender. I am sure it will be for a bit. I loved him honestly and without stipulations. He put limitations and stipulations on his feelings for me and placed blame on me for everything. That’s not fair or right.
I’m hurt and angry. At him, myself, God, the world…
I am a God-fearing Christian woman. Make no mistake. But I am hurting tonight. On Valentine’s Day and the day after my heart was hurt and yet hurt yet again. He said he loved me but he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me. I’m hurting tonight and the only way I knew to ease that pain somehow was to drink. I have drunk so much that I can’t feel my tongue and the room spins when I close my eyes.
I’m going to be truthful, though. I thought he was the one. I thought we could overcome and surpass anything. I loved him. How stupid I am to think that in my mid 40s? Pretty damn stupid.
So tonight I got drunk. Really drunk. I’m examining my life and it really sucks. I am not suicidal but I am so hurt and angry right now that i don’t know what to do or say.
I believed. I really did. Now I don’t know what I think. I believe it for others but not for myself. It’s too late.
Humans want to have love. It is something we crave. I have wanted it since I was a child..to feel truly loved. And I haven’t felt loved, never completely. For a brief moment I did. And then it was over. On Valentine’s Day and the day after. How romantic.
So now the pain has caught up and I’m drunk and hurt. Is it good to do this? No. But I don’t have anyone to turn to. I’m alone. I just want to cry to someone. I can’t. So I type and cry to you. I believed. I did.
So while every other aspect of life is so -so, this one is debilitating. I just want to hibernate and sleep or cry. I hurt.
Please say that the people that are supposedly candidates are really just pranks. Please!!!!!!! I have been watching and waiting for someone to jump out and yell, “GOTCHA!” So far it hasn’t happened.
The candidates we have for president scare the hell out of me. I don’t like any of them. None. I used to like Hillary but then there have been so many cover ups and things that I just can’t like her anymore. Plus she’s already had her 8 years in the White House. I know Bill was President, but I don’t doubt for one minute that she wasn’t in his ear a few times telling him what to do. By the way, she should have told him more often to keep his pants up, but she seems to have gotten that under control. Or she took his viagra away. Who knows? Whatever the case is Bill is behaving. But Hillary hasn’t been.
And the Republican front runner makes me want to scream. Actually, I do scream at the television and computer screen when I hear some of the stupidity he spews. In a time of such unrest throughout the world, I really don’t think we need such a loose cannon running this country. He seems to think that he can say whatever he pleases with no ramifications. I’m sorry, Donald, but if you piss the world off, they do have weapons that they could all turn toward us. We really don’t need or want that. How about you shut your mouth and learn something about tact and diplomacy? There’s an old saying in the South: If you ain’t got something nice to say, then don’t say nothin’ at all. Try it just once in a while. I’m not saying be a wimp. But just because a thought crosses your mind, it doesn’t necessarily have to cross your lips.
I am not happy where we are at, but I am terrified of what is coming. These candidates are absolutely appalling. Again, I wish they were pranks, but unfortunately I don’t think they are. I think it’s real.
So NerdyGuy and I have been doing great. Dates are good. I even kissed that man so good he forgot to breathe for half a second. I was proud of myself.
So NerdyGuy typically sends me a morning text on his break from work, a quick hi at lunch and a hello as he is leaving work. (he gets off 2 hours earlier than me.) Then we talk on phone and/or text at night. Saturday we had dinner at my place and it was relaxing. We talked about his new game coming out on Tuesday and I told him I guessed it would be Bye Bye Anonymous for a while. He said no…of course he would make time for me. All I had to do was name the time and place and he would be there. I was impressed with that. So I know how boys are with their toys. I wasn’t going to come between him and his toy. So we were talking Sunday and I said, “So you said I could name time and place, right?” and he was like, “Yeah?” So I said, “Monday. I want you to bring me dinner Monday to the house.” I knew Monday was going to be rough and I was going to be tired. A little TLC would be nice. Also, I would have some lovey dovey time and then he would have Tuesday and Wednesday free to play. He has a bible study group on Thursday. Friday he will need to go to bed earlier because he is working early on Saturday. I explained all of this to him and he laughed and said, “You thought this through, huh?” I smiled and said, “Of course. It’s a win all the way around.” He saw my logic.
So we’ve been dating almost a month. Not that long I know. But he has brought up more than once us going to visit his parents in another city. He has said he likes that things with us seem to be rolling right along. What the hell does that mean?
And finally….do I have a boyfriend or what? I mean the man checks in with me constantly but it isn’t in a clingy way. It’s more of an “I’m thinking of you” text. Nothing too lengthy. That is for evening when we can talk.
Men…when do I know?
The theme of the week has been to survive the holidays. At work the boss asked if we wanted to do secret Santa. We said yes. Then a couple of coworkers mentioned dirty Santa. She asked my thoughts and I was honest. Mistake. I told her that it’s impossible to get us all together because our office works in shifts. I also brought up the fact that they’re drama queens and somebody will be pissed off. She asked me to poll my shift. They all said no to dirty Santa. Boss then told me that was only half of employees so we would have to ask others. I think this is bad thing because we already have an us and them mentality. Great idea for Christmas. Ugh!
This weekend was extremely emotional for me. I watched sappy stuff and cried most of the weekend. Stupid mistake. Lesson learned. Try to stay away from sap on weekend of full moon!
Night and Day were the highlight of the weekend. They were kind of silly at times. They were sensitive to my tears. They love me.
Hope you are surviving the holidays!
I know I complain a lot but I am thankful for a lot of things. While I hate my job, I am grateful for it. It has provided for me during some trying times. A few years back I almost was homeless because of bad decisions out of love. Now I am surviving on my own.
I am also grateful for my fur babies. Night and Day make me smile at times when the world seems to be falling apart. They drive me crazy at times but I smile more because they’re here.
I am also grateful for my friends and family. Many of my friends are my family. While I don’t get to see them often, they are extremely important to me.
I know many have a lot and many have little. Its not always easy to be grateful but trying to have gratitude for even small things helps when life is difficult. My life isn’t easy but I’m grateful nonetheless.