It’s been a while. I have had quite a bit of experiences over the last year. A LOT! Since I last left you I have moved. Not just down the street. No. I moved 300+ miles away. I moved back to my hometown. I am back in Alabama. I have thought about it for so long and finally it happened. I loved Asheville, NC but it was killing me financially and physically. It’s a beautiful place, but unless you are in a high paying job, you can’t afford to live there. I was working 7 days a week and had to have a roommate and still struggling. My physical health was deteriorating. I was in pain a lot. I was staying depressed. All of this added up to Anonymous needed a change.
I was leaving my home of 21 years. It wasn’t easy. It was painful and scary. I was coming back to the home that I had run away from. I had such mixed emotions. I didn’t have any immediate family waiting. I honestly didn’t know what I had waiting. I hoped it would be better than what I was leaving.
When I moved it was hard. I had a crush on a man for a long time and it was a fucked up situation. He seemed interested and yet he wouldn’t act. So I told him I was leaving and what does he do? Suddenly he was all about seeing me before I left. It was comical to tell you the truth. This started us messaging because I was gone. He has become one of my good friends. He is a handsome and interesting man. I also found out recently he is married. Of course he is. He didn’t tell me. Some investigating did. I haven’t told him yet that I know. I only found out recently. He might figure out something is up because of the tone of my messages. It is changing. He never lied. I don’t fault him. We all get unhappy at times. I’ll still be his friend. He is a smart and interesting man.
I got here and started a job that I hated. I hated the people and the job and everything about it. They tried to make me feel like an idiot daily. I was so angry. I was so frustrated that I fucked up. I left a job I loved for this? What the fuck? I was looking desperately for something else. They seemed to not like me as much as I hated them. They let me go. The funny thing was I didn’t say I was sorry. I didn’t beg for my job. I looked at them calmly and asked, “Is that all? I have to leave. I am going to be late to the job interview I was going to.” I loved that very moment. They stood there shocked. I said, “I wasn’t happy either and wanted out of this place. Y’all are horrible to work for.”
After the first job experience I was scared. Oh my God! What kind of job am I going to get? I have to be able to pay rent! I started looking and the very next day my transmission blew. Yes! I know. What the hell kind of luck is that? My kind. And I had an interview the next day. I was so grateful that one of my oldest best friends let me borrow his truck and I was able to go and get a job. I started at a business that was similar to the first so I was really hesitant. The thing was that I liked the people I worked with. I worked there and got to know things slowly. The people were mostly great. But my schedule started getting crazy. I was working sometimes 10-hour days for 9 days straight. That was not pleasant. And they kept changing things.
My coworker and I were getting tired of being jerked around on hours. It was a confusing schedule to say the least. But it was always something where I would end up working longer than I should. So when I voiced my concerns, I was told that those were the hours and that was that. Well, that didn’t fly. I mean, I didn’t like having my life uprooted with 3 days notice. So I went home and applied all night long for jobs. I got one that is great. The other company did their best to keep me. They offered to match money and work on the hours. I knew the money wouldn’t be a problem but I knew the hours would never work. So I changed jobs yet again.
Now I am at a place that is great! I love what I do and I love the people I work with. They’re nice and funny. The guys treat me like one of the guys and yet they flirt from time to time. We actually laugh at work. It is great!
My family swore they would be up to see me since I was so close. They haven’t been. I am an afterthought if I am even a thought. Well, to the family I had been the closest to growing up. It is funny that the family I wasn’t close to that they’re here more for me now than ever. It’s painful and sweet that they are. I love them.
I find myself missing my parents more and more. I have only been to the cemetery once. I hate that place. I went because it finally felt like it was time. I miss them more and more because I drive by familiar places that remind me of them. It’s a good thing to remember them. But it also hurts like hell.
I have been trying to figure out this living and not working 7 days a week. I am trying to figure out how to be at home when I am at home. It’s new and the same all at the same time. It is bittersweet. I sometimes get lonely. I feel like I am out of place at times. I also feel like I should have never have left at times.