Thank you, Elizabeth

Thank you, Elizabeth Warren! You showed what egotistical men we have in the Senate. You persisted. You spoke. You raised awareness. I was appalled that you were basically told to sit down and shut up but Bernie Sanders was allowed to read the same thing you were reading. I was proud that Bernie spoke up for you. He saw the unfairness of the situation. Thankfully!

Whether anyone agreed with what you were saying or not, they should look at the whole situation. A female was told she couldn’t malign another sitting Senator who was nominated for the AG position. But it was perfectly fine that a male Senator did it. Where is the logic in this? It’s ok for a male to talk shit about someone but not a female? I think that is sexism. I also think that is WRONG!

My fellow Americans, even if you do like Trump, this type of behavior is not acceptable. When you start saying it is ok for a male to do something but not a female, you are basically saying men are better. They are NOT! Equal rights and all that business.

This has nothing to do with being a Republican or a Democrat or anything else. This is being a human.

Thank you, Elizabeth! You made history. Thank you, as well, Bernie! You also made history.

Leave a comment

Filed under America

Here’s the Thing

Here’s the thing that gets me…everybody is talking and nobody is listening. Some people are angry and some people don’t care at all. It is frustrating. I see and hear some people who just don’t care what is happening in the US and I want to ask how they can be so oblivious? I’m perplexed.

Republicans are saying Trump is wonderful and magnificent and is taking charge. Oh yes! He is taking charge. He is taking control of this country in a way that is scary. Many of the people that voted for him aren’t stepping back to look at what is going on and how things are happening. Steve Bannon is now on the National Security Council. The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff was removed for this man who is said to be a racist.

It is mind boggling. But then again it’s really not. Trump said he knew more than the generals and that he felt he had as much or more military training as a soldier. With that logic, why wouldn’t he feel he could do whatever the hell he wanted? He knows best, right? And somehow he has convinced several others he does as well. The thing is that he hasn’t convinced the majority of Americans.

Here is what I wish both sides could really talk about. The man is dismantling the power of our government systematically. While the Republicans see it as taking control in a positive light, the Democrats don’t. I’m neither. But I see it as him bypassing what our Founding Fathers set up to govern our country. They wanted three branches of government so that no branch was greater than the other so that things like this wouldn’t happen. They didn’t want a dictator. They wanted a system of checks and balances. Right now there is no accounting for what is going on. It is all like a cash register gone haywire. Trump keeps signing Executive Orders left and right without any real thought of what the effect is. He is so damn proud to see his signature on White House embossed paper that it seems that is all he cares about.

As far as the refugees and immigrants go, we need to vet refugees, yes. We need to limit immigrants to keep the country safe and from being overpopulated. But we also need to recognize that this country was created on the premise of religious persecution because the pilgrims were fleeing a country that was treating them horribly. They wanted to escape to a place where they could worship freely. Yes, they were Protestants, but it doesn’t matter what religion it was. They sought asylum from religious persecution. That is why many want to come to the US. There are many other reasons people want to come here. But I want to hit on the religious aspect because these people who tout Christian values (and yes, I am a Christian) are not acting in a Christian manner. The Bible is very explicit about how we treat others.

Hebrews 13:2 Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it.

Leviticus 19:34 ‘The stranger who resides with you shall be to you as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt; I am the LORD your God.

Matthew 25:44 Then they themselves also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not take care of You?’

There’s more. But you get the point.

We need to work together and try to see that we need to go back to what the Constitution and  Bill of Rights say. We should work together instead of fighting against each other at every turn. We should realize that while this country was founded as the United States by Christians that it was not meant to be a specific religion.

When there is such concern and an outcry, there is a problem. It’s time to stop the bickering and realize that sometimes you have to work for the greater good. Is what is going on really for the greater good?

Leave a comment

Filed under America

Heartbroken American Female

I am a heartbroken American female. I am angry. I am frustrated. I am so many indescribable things. I feel like there is a dictator holding my country hostage and I am so angry. People voted for this tyrant! My fellow Americans did this heinous act to our country! They did it on purpose! What the hell is wrong with these people? Did they not see what kind of person he was? Did they not care?

I am a Christian woman but I knew who and what this man was years ago. He recently claims to be a Christian. It’s laughable. Christianity isn’t based on treating other humans like crap. It isn’t based on being unkind. It isn’t based on mocking others. It isn’t based on any of that! And for all of these people who think this man represents Christian values, what the hell kind of values do YOU have? It scares me. When you thump a bible at someone, maybe you should open it instead of thumping it! I swear I have wondered if this man is the anti-Christ.

The things I am seeing are so parallel to what Hitler did that it is scary. He’s divided our nation. “Make America Great Again” Guess what, Trump! America has always been great! Every country has issues, but we have always come through and we step up! Maybe you’re un-American because you don’t believe in this country like so many of us do! I believe in my country! I love my country! I love my fellow citizens! Do we need changes? Of course, but not the ones you’re making. You’re dividing us and creating chaos. You’re too full of yourself and worried about the size of things. Napoleon complex? I think so! It takes a leader who is concerned more about the good of the people rather than him/her-self to be an effective and good leader. You are not that person. You talk to hear your own voice, which, by the way is annoying as all get out!

My fellow Americans, I beg you to see what this man is doing to our country. He doesn’t care about you or me. He only cares about himself and money. He is Hitler incarnate. Please don’t fall for this crap. Please see that he is dividing the nation that I know that Americans love. Please don’t let the world think we are weak. Our ancestors fought hard for us to be here. Let’s make them proud. Be patriots. We are Americans. God bless the USA! I love you, America.

Leave a comment

Filed under America

Stupid heart

I have been staying busy with church. Funny thing is that the pastor suggested I take a class that my ex is in. I have been in it a few weeks.

The week before I started the class, I saw my ex at church. I had just gotten a text that my aunt was dying and I was reading it and my facial expression must have been one of horror. I had tears in my eyes. He came up to me and asked what was wrong and I told him and he hugged me so tight and just held me. I told him I thought he hated me and he said he never hated me. I told him I  thought so. We pulled apart and he looked down at me and I looked up. There was a look of love in his eyes for just a moment and then in a blink it was gone. He must have felt it there and knew he had to shut it down. I know it wasn’t my imagination. It made me so angry. I wanted to just slap him and ask him how he could turn it on and off so easily. I didn’t. We talked for a few more minutes and I was crying because of the concern for my aunt. It was scary. There was a possibility of her surviving but it seemed so small of a chance. He hugged me again and off we went in separate directions. It hurt on so many levels.

On the way home I was angry and hurt and I called him and I just flat-out asked if he had ever loved me. His answer surprised me. It wasn’t clear-cut and that made me angry. He said yes and no. That is not an answer! He said he knew I didn’t want to hear that but that was all he could say. I told him no that wasn’t what I wanted to hear and that I would rather have heard no. He seemed shocked by that. I also told him that I had loved him and there was no doubt on my part but it didn’t really matter. I thanked him for his honesty. I then dropped the bomb on him that I would be in his class at church the next week and to not be surprised. I told him I had spoken with the pastor and that he felt I should come. I told him I had met with the pastor to determine what my path should be as far as the church went and he seemed stunned. I told him I would be there and that it wasn’t for him and that it was completely for me and to not be surprised when I showed up. He said ok. He said the class was helping him a lot and I just said flatly, “Good.” I thanked him for his time and honesty and hung up.

Over that weekend I went home to Alabama and it was a well-needed trip. My aunt survived. She isn’t doing well and I will probably never see her alive again. But I felt so loved. It made me want to move home.

I came back refreshed and revived and I went to the class. I got there early in order to get a seat close to the door. I wanted to be prepared in case I needed to run. He is usually an early bird but he got there right before the class started. I was texting to a friend. He said hi and I barely said hello and it was not in a nice tone. He stood for a moment before walking away. I didn’t have to speak anymore that night. The lesson was on relationships and to treat others kindly and  to be more empathetic and caring rather than so me-centric. And to try to look at the other person’s POV rather than being so reactive. They also spoke of not giving up so quickly.I literally saw him squirm 3 times. We broke up into men/women’s groups. The women’s group got done early and I didn’t have to see him. I just left.

This past week I went back. I saw a mutual friend in the hall and chatted. Then I went in and sat with one of the girls and was laughing and chatting. He walked in and said softly, “Hey, Anonymous.” I looked over and said while laughing, “Hey! How are ya” and turned back to my friend. He seemed stunned then too. So then everyone came in and settled down and we watched a video which was about amends and how to make amends. It wasn’t the most comfortable video. We broke up into men/women’s groups. Our group talked and really discussed a lot of things. The women knew my story and that he was back there. So I led us in prayer and finished up. Here he comes back up. He touched my elbow and said quietly, “Hey, Anonymous…I’ll see you later, ok?” I was stunned and didn’t know how to react so I just said, “Sure, have a good night!” I mean I am at church and can’t yell or cuss. I turned back to the women and they all look stunned. Two of the women said for sure that he seemed very caring the way he said it. I was just like I don’t know what to think. As the women and I walked down to leave, there he was at the front door. Great…so we went on to the front because it was time to go. I hear, “Anonymous.” And then I hear, “There she is! Anonymous! Come here” I’m thinking NOOOOOOO. But I go over to where ex and our mutual friend is and say, “Here I am! Tada! What’s up?” The friend says, “We were just talking about you.” I said, “Yeah, so I heard. What’s that about?” The friend says, “Only good things! Promise!” I said, “Yeah, yeah! I’ve heard that before.” He said, “Noooo…I was telling him I saw you upstairs.” I wasn’t buying it but I said, “You sure did! And we had a good talk. Look, y’all, the girls are getting ready to leave and I need to say goodbye to them. I hope y’all have a good night! I’ll see ya later! Bye!!” I walked away to the girls but I have been left with questions and uncertainty for days.

That night I could tell there was a change in his demeanor. He was softer. I don’t know what was the matter with him. Conviction? The men from his group telling him honestly about what they thought? No clue. The week before I had been dismissive and the sermon was hard because it was on how you treat people well in relationships and you don’t just treat them like crap. This week I had been polite and the sermon was about amends. Maybe he was feeling something? I don’t know.

What I know now is that I have prayed until I am frustrated. I have heard God finally and His answer was to be still and know that He is God. Ok…I know He is God. But that doesn’t ease my anxiety. That doesn’t let me know what the ex is up to. It is scary and frustrating.

My friend said she saw the whole thing and that he looked sincere. I said he seemed sincere, too, but I don’t trust it or him right now. He broke me. It took years to put me back together. And in just a little over 3 months time, he broke me. She said but you still love him? I said yes. She asked, “What if he wanted to try again?” I said it’s not that easy. I may love him but I love me more. I am not willing to just say it is ok. It’s not. I am broken and hurt and angry. I may not be acting that way at church, but it’s CHURCH. I’m being polite. She asked again, “What if he wanted back together?” I was honest. I said, “I love him and I would try on a condition that I don’t think he would do because he said no before. We would have to do counseling together. That is the only way.” She said that she thought after everything that it sounded fair. I told her I don’t think we have to worry about that.

This all happened on Wednesday. It is late Saturday night/early Sunday morning and I haven’t heard from him. Several of my friends said they thought he would contact me this week. I really didn’t think so. So far I am right. I am trying to be still and know God is God. And I am anxious about Wednesday. The only for sure thing about Wednesday is that I will look good.

If anybody has any thoughts, throw them out there. And throw a prayer up. My anxiety is wow!

Leave a comment

Filed under Men

Election Stooges

Back to more pressing matters. What the hell is going on with the candidates for President in the United States? The way I see it is that we are just screwed. I don’t see one candidate that really is stellar. I see a whole bunch of stooges, though!

When Donald Trump came on the scene I honestly thought it was a joke. Seriously. I thought it was a joke to promote some dumb business of his. The joke hasn’t stopped and he actually has people on his bandwagon. And it scares the hell out of me. This man is an ego-maniac, narcissistic, pompous, uncouth loudmouth who feels he is qualified to lead our country? The man who now claims to be such a good Christian but has had 3 wives, each of whom he has cheated on (well maybe not Melania yet). He has been degrading towards women and talked openly about his disdain toward them. He also talks negatively about immigrants. Now I believe we should have a handle on who is entering out country and how, but his degrading comments are positively repulsive. They’re also laughable since he married 2 women who were not Americans! Hypocrite much, Trump? Also, what about his mockery of people with disabilities? If a man of his age and stature openly makes fun of someone with a disability, how can we trust him in important situations where he is representing our country and should be showing some decorum? We can’t. It’s that simple. Has the man  had luck in business? Absolutely. But this country isn’t just a business. It is so many more things than that. It needs a leader who can show diplomacy, decorum, humility and restraint. Donald Trump cannot do that.

The other Republican candidates are pretty iffy, too. They want to stand on their Christian beliefs as their main qualifications to be President. I’m a Christian but I’m not qualified to lead this country. Every now and then I have a good idea but it’s not enough. I don’t like Ted Cruz’s yelling mentality. He must think he is a Southern Baptist preacher or something. You don’t have to yell to get your point across. Have a good point and say it. Marco Rubio has some good points but I am not sure if he is ripe enough to get there.

Then we move on the the Democrats. Hillary or Bernie. Wow. I used to love Hillary…back when she was First Lady. Now not so much. After the email thing and Benghazi…no. And Bernie? Bernie, honey, you can’t make everything free and expect no one to have to pay for it. It has to be paid for and guess where that money is coming from? My pockets! I don’t like that!!!!!

All in all, I think Americans are going to be screwed. We don’t have a good choice. I can honestly say that I will vote for anyone OPPOSITE of Trump. I have to. I cannot, with good conscience, vote for that man.

Leave a comment

Filed under Life In General, Uncategorized

Shutting My Brain Down

I hate my brain at times. It won’t shut down. It replays painful things and analyzes them. Why did this happen? What is wrong with me? What is wrong with him? Am I going to always hurt?

I want to go to bed right now but my brain is spinning. It won’t stop. I hurt but yet I am very angry. I want to tell him off but that is pointless. He would take it as “she still wants me” and what it really is is the fact that I think he is a pompous asshole who needs to be told that treating people that way is shitty.

I didn’t turn my love off. I can’t do that. But I realized that his treatment of me was horrific. My heart is still tender. I am sure it will be for a bit. I loved him honestly and without stipulations. He put limitations and stipulations on his feelings for me and placed blame on me for everything. That’s not fair or right.

I’m hurt and angry. At him, myself, God, the world…

Leave a comment

Filed under Men, Uncategorized

Alcohol doesn’t lie

I am a God-fearing Christian woman. Make no mistake. But I am hurting tonight. On Valentine’s Day and the day after my heart was hurt and yet hurt yet again. He said he loved me but he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me. I’m hurting tonight and the only way I knew to ease that pain somehow was to drink. I have drunk so much that I can’t feel my tongue and the room spins when I close my eyes.

I’m going to be truthful, though. I thought he was the one. I thought we could overcome and surpass anything. I loved him. How stupid I am to think that in my mid 40s? Pretty damn stupid.

So tonight I got drunk. Really drunk. I’m examining my life and it really sucks. I am not suicidal but I am so hurt and angry right now that i don’t know what to do or say.

I believed. I really did. Now I don’t know what I think. I believe it for others but not for myself. It’s too late.

Humans want to have love. It is something we crave. I have wanted it since I was a child..to feel truly loved. And I haven’t felt loved, never completely. For a brief moment I did. And then it was over. On Valentine’s Day and the day after. How romantic.

So now the pain has caught up and I’m drunk and hurt. Is it good to do this? No. But I don’t have anyone to turn to. I’m alone. I just want to cry to someone. I can’t. So I type and cry to you. I believed. I did.

So while every other aspect of life is so -so, this one is debilitating. I just want to hibernate and sleep or cry. I hurt.

 

.

2 Comments

Filed under Life In General, Men, Uncategorized