I am tired. Physically. Mentally. Spiritually. And any other tired you can be. I. Am. Tired.

My job duties have increased significantly. My pay has not. My frustration has increased significantly as well. This past week I really had to work hard to keep myself from blowing my top. I have worked 60 hours this week in actual work. I volunteered about 5 hours. I also planned work about 2 extra hours. I am exhausted.

In the hierarchy in my workplace, there’s my director, my supervisor and then me. My director has been handing me work left and right. I am supposed to tell my supervisor when he does this so she is aware and will not pass extra stuff to me so that I can complete his stuff. So I have let her know that he has given me extra work. I think instead of trying to lighten my load that my direct supervisor has actually added to it. It’s like she can’t stand the director is trusting me with more stuff to do.

I have been spending thousands of dollars purchasing things for a new construction area. She typically does this. I guess she saw this as a slight. Whatever…it’s actually been a pain for me because I really don’t have time to do all of this research and shopping but yet I am having to do it.

I am a lowly peon. I should be doing lowly peon work, right? Nope. I have also been supervising an employee that my manager should be supervising. She passes her off to me but God forbid I seem like I am “supervising”. I have to do it in a way that seems like I am not. It’s a damn fine line.

Then on Friday my director comes in wanting me to handle a couple of tasks that day. I told him that I would be glad to do that but I couldn’t handle everything that he was giving to me and expecting to be done immediately. I needed to be able to focus and not have someone sitting with me all day long and chatting. I needed to focus and be able to really work and that wasn’t possible when I was having to do the supervising. He said he would talk to my supervisor. I think that didn’t go so well. Friday was a shitty day and I was ready to quit by lunch.

I found out that there was something I should have been ordering that I had never been told to order. Of course my supervisor told me over and over, escalating in loudness, that “no, you should have ordered them at some time over the last 3 years” and I said I had not done that. She then told me over and over, loudly, that I just must have forgotten. She was like a dog with a bone. She wasn’t going to drop it. I even walked away to just make it stop. She followed me to keep saying it. Then she had the audacity to say, “You’re acting like you’re mad!” I told her, “I am not going to argue about this. I didn’t know, but I know now.” She really couldn’t stand that I was so quiet and calm. She went and smoked and then came back and was like, “I didn’t mean to be argumentative but I was just upset.” I almost said that I was upset, too, but I didn’t yell at her or argue. I just stopped talking because there was nothing that was going to appease her.

As the day went on I kept trying to work on what the director wanted. I kept getting pulled away from it. I guess it didn’t matter that he gave the directive to let me work on what he needed done. He left work around 1:30ish. I finally got everything done around 4 pm.

I shut everything down at 4:50 so that I could leave at 5. At 5, I picked up my stuff and locked my door and said “have a good weekend. Bye!” And I left. That’s how most people leave work.

Well, I guess my supervisor was still feeling guilty over her rampage from earlier, I get a text at 5:30 saying I left abruptly and was everything ok? I told her everything was fine and I was tired and wanted to leave on time for once this week. I also thanked her for checking on me. I didn’t reply to any more messages.

I am already dreading Monday. That should be a cluster. Thankfully I am only working 4 days next week. Thankfully! I cant take much more of that.



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Have you ever been fearful of doing something and just didn’t do something you really wanted to do? I ask this because I have things that I want to do that really scare me. It’s not like jumping off a cliff. No, I don’t have the desire to do that and I’m not going to. Fear or no fear. Nope. Not happening!

I want to write. Really write. Yes, I am writing here. This is anonymous, though. I doubt anyone is really reading and it’s ramblings. It’s a variety of thoughts. I want to write something that is more thoughtful. I am scared I can’t stay on topic and not ramble. I am kind of a rambler and I can go down a rabbit hole at times. But I can also weave a story on a dime. Can I keep the story going and complete it? Would it even be a little interesting?

I have wanted to write since I can remember. It is as if I am supposed to write something longer than a blog post and yet I can’t bring myself to actually do it. I want to know how people do it. I want to know if it is easy. Is it something that they just do? Is it something they make themselves do? How do they get started?

Then once knowing the how-to’s we go to the next thing of would my writing be good enough? How would I know? Would anyone want to read it? Why would they?

I wish that I had been encouraged more in this. I know my parents loved me. I just don’t think they understood my passion and fear. I think that they had so many of their own dreams crushed that they didn’t know how to foster mine. They didn’t crush mine. They just didn’t know how to encourage me properly in the way that I needed. Because that, I didn’t have the confidence needed to truly pursue something I wanted. I wonder if others had the same experience.

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Filed under Life In General

Did I really work today?

Today I went in to work with the best of intentions to get so much work done. I had plans! I had many things to accomplish. That went to hell in a hand basket within an hour. It was as if someone picked up my list and lit it on fire and laughed in my face.

We have an employee who is usually a manual labor employee who is on light duty right now. Great. I feel sorry for the situation and am trying to find work for this person. My boss keeps popping into my office every few minutes, “Do you have anything for them to do? BTW, your office is a mess!?” I looked up from my 6 stacks of to-do things and in a completely dead-pan voice replied, “Yes, it’s a mess and I am trying to get to it but I keep getting interrupted. And I need to finish these emails and then I can find something for them.” She didn’t get my hint that I was referring to her interruptions and continued with, “Well I need something NOW!” She then ran out of my office in what I recall the way the Tasmanian Devil did in the cartoons. It wasn’t funny, though. At all.

I finally said I was at lunch and shut my door and turned the lights down. I was secretly working on some stuff just to get it done. Guess who came in! Surprise!!!!!! “Why are you working on that? You’re supposed to be at lunch!” It was soooo tempting to ask, “Then why are you in my office?????” I didn’t, though. I told her I needed to get it off my desk so I could focus on lunch.

The craziness went on all day long. I mean all day. I was also dragged out to do work that other employees should be doing. Then the boss¬†argues with me about how it needs to be done. Later, though, she tells me how she couldn’t have done it without me. I didn’t say, “Oh that’s ok!” I really wasn’t in the mood.

It amazes me that managers insult you like crazy and then act like all is fine. I was so angry. I felt like I had a day with an abusive boyfriend or something.

So today I pretty much did my job about 15% of the day and other people’s stuff as well as spinning in circles for 85% of the rest of the day. I think tomorrow I have about 20 emails from today to handle. I also have to finish coding several bills for accounts payable. I also have to find more stuff for the injured employee. Lord help me!




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Filed under Work/Employment/Necessary Evil

Let’s Get Loud

I can be quite gregarious at times. I prefer that when I am happy and maybe have a solo cup in my hand. Lately I have had to get loud and sassy without my solo cup. And it has been with men who wouldn’t listen when I spoke in my inside voice.

When I would talk to these men and express a need, question or concern, I was completely ignored. When my voice got a little louder, a little more attention was paid to my words. But when I finally used my angry, outside voice, shit got real. So I would really like to know why it takes this level of bat shit crazy escalation to finally mean “I really mean business”?

I meant business the first time I said it. I wouldn’t have said it otherwise. And I really don’t appreciate having to get worked up in order for someone to acknowledge what I said was relevant.

I have talked to other women and they have the same problem. So men, if you are reading this, what the hell gives? Do you have a hearing disorder that only registers bat shit crazy? Do you get a kick out of it? What gives? It doesn’t endear you to us. In fact, it makes us resent you. And that builds up over time. Maybe that’s what you want. I’m not sure. But I would like to know why y’all push us. Any insight?


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Filed under Life In General, Men

I Took A Little Break

So I took a little break. I have very limited time because I have been working my ass off as of late. 7 days a week to be exact.

But even though I have been working like crazy, I also have a lot of thoughts. Many of these thoughts are things I probably shouldn’t just blurt out in polite society. In anonymous society I don’t have to be so polite. I can just say what is on my mind. And I just need to do that sometimes. And this is a whole lot cheaper than therapy. So I am BACK!

I probably won’t write daily. Who has time for that? But my hiatus is over. I have too much on my mind. I’ve missed this.

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Filed under Life In General, Musings

Thank you, Elizabeth

Thank you, Elizabeth Warren! You showed what egotistical men we have in the Senate. You persisted. You spoke. You raised awareness. I was appalled that you were basically told to sit down and shut up but Bernie Sanders was allowed to read the same thing you were reading. I was proud that Bernie spoke up for you. He saw the unfairness of the situation. Thankfully!

Whether anyone agreed with what you were saying or not, they should look at the whole situation. A female was told she couldn’t malign another sitting Senator who was nominated for the AG position. But it was perfectly fine that a male Senator did it. Where is the logic in this? It’s ok for a male to talk shit about someone but not a female? I think that is sexism. I also think that is WRONG!

My fellow Americans, even if you do like Trump, this type of behavior is not acceptable. When you start saying it is ok for a male to do something but not a female, you are basically saying men are better. They are NOT! Equal rights and all that business.

This has nothing to do with being a Republican or a Democrat or anything else. This is being a human.

Thank you, Elizabeth! You made history. Thank you, as well, Bernie! You also made history.

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Filed under America

Here’s the Thing

Here’s the thing that gets me…everybody is talking and nobody is listening. Some people are angry and some people don’t care at all. It is frustrating. I see and hear some people who just don’t care what is happening in the US and I want to ask how they can be so oblivious? I’m perplexed.

Republicans are saying Trump is wonderful and magnificent and is taking charge. Oh yes! He is taking charge. He is taking control of this country in a way that is scary. Many of the people that voted for him aren’t stepping back to look at what is going on and how things are happening. Steve Bannon is now on the National Security Council. The Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff was removed for this man who is said to be a racist.

It is mind boggling. But then again it’s really not. Trump said he knew more than the generals and that he felt he had as much or more military training as a soldier. With that logic, why wouldn’t he feel he could do whatever the hell he wanted? He knows best, right? And somehow he has convinced several others he does as well. The thing is that he hasn’t convinced the majority of Americans.

Here is what I wish both sides could really talk about. The man is dismantling the power of our government systematically. While the Republicans see it as taking control in a positive light, the Democrats don’t. I’m neither. But I see it as him bypassing what our Founding Fathers set up to govern our country. They wanted three branches of government so that no branch was greater than the other so that things like this wouldn’t happen. They didn’t want a dictator. They wanted a system of checks and balances. Right now there is no accounting for what is going on. It is all like a cash register gone haywire. Trump keeps signing Executive Orders left and right without any real thought of what the effect is. He is so damn proud to see his signature on White House embossed paper that it seems that is all he cares about.

As far as the refugees and immigrants go, we need to vet refugees, yes. We need to limit immigrants to keep the country safe and from being overpopulated. But we also need to recognize that this country was created on the premise of religious persecution because the pilgrims were fleeing a country that was treating them horribly. They wanted to escape to a place where they could worship freely. Yes, they were Protestants, but it doesn’t matter what religion it was. They sought asylum from religious persecution. That is why many want to come to the US. There are many other reasons people want to come here. But I want to hit on the religious aspect because these people who tout Christian values (and yes, I am a Christian) are not acting in a Christian manner. The Bible is very explicit about how we treat others.

Hebrews 13:2 Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by this some have entertained angels without knowing it.

Leviticus 19:34 ‘The stranger who resides with you shall be to you as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt; I am the LORD your God.

Matthew 25:44 Then they themselves also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see You hungry, or thirsty, or a stranger, or naked, or sick, or in prison, and did not take care of You?’

There’s more. But you get the point.

We need to work together and try to see that we need to go back to what the Constitution and  Bill of Rights say. We should work together instead of fighting against each other at every turn. We should realize that while this country was founded as the United States by Christians that it was not meant to be a specific religion.

When there is such concern and an outcry, there is a problem. It’s time to stop the bickering and realize that sometimes you have to work for the greater good. Is what is going on really for the greater good?

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Filed under America