My Soul Hurts

I really hoped that 2021 would be better. I didn’t come into it with high hopes. But there were hopes. I believed that after the atrocities of 2020 that things must change. They did…for the worse. 1/6/21 was such a horrific day. I am haunted by the images and the questions. The words of the politicians, mainly the president, who fueled a fire that became an inferno echo in my head. The empath in me feels the fear and uncertainty of this country as we watched in horror.

Many of us are still living in fear as we move forward toward the inauguration. We are scared of what is possibly coming. This is not the America we grew up in. This is more like the foreign countries we watched on tv and wondered what could cause such hatred in the world. Now we are living that hatred and wondering what the hell happened to allow this? How did the people we know become these people who are enraged and filled with hate?

Aren’t these the same people who told the rest of the country four years ago to “get over it and accept our new president”? Why can’t they follow their own advice? Why is it that they can’t just accept that this vile, hateful man lost? Yes, there are a lot of them. But there’s also a lot of others who were tired of the hate and tired of the bullying. And those people voted. And while they may have had a lot of people, the other team did as well and this is the one time I was glad we had an electoral college. For once, it did what it should.

I have been grieving and depressed about what has been going on over the last week. Actually, I guess the last four years has just caught up and it’s been overwhelming. My soul hurts. All of this divisiveness and hate has worn on me. My heart aches that people can’t seem to stop screaming and realize that we are never going to accomplish anything by fighting each other. Nothing. All of this damn fighting is for NOTHING. It needs to stop. The world is laughing at us. They are watching the USA as if we are nothing but a fucking reality shit show. And guess what! That’s what we are right now.

If you want to make America great, then act like a good American citizen and do what is right for your COUNTRY and quit letting your fucking party dictate your behavior. If you want to say you are a Christian, ACT LIKE IT! I honestly do not think Jesus would have gone through the US Capitol smearing shit through the halls. Seriously. I do not think that is the answer when the question is WWJD? I also don’t think He would condone beating a police officer to death. So think about those things when you scream how Christian you are. Think about that when you pretend to pray. Then maybe you should actually pray.

I read an open letter tonight to Congressman Mo Brooks from someone who was a friend of his and a former colleague. The letter was one of the most well-written pieces I have read in quite some time. One thing that stopped me and just made me repeat it over and over was this passage where Mr. Barclay was pointing out the responsibility of the hateful words and how they incited violence: “You know full well that Mr. Trump’s rhetoric, and more to the point, your own rhetoric, fomented the violence which resulted in the breach of the Capitol, the destruction of property, and, most importantly, the murder of a law enforcement officer. His blood is on your hands, and you can never wash that stain from your soul.”

I read it and repeated it to myself out loud. “You can never wash that stain from your soul.” That is such a strong and damning statement. And it is so true. When we try to say that our actions should have or do not have any consequences, we are being irresponsible. Our words are like Newton’s Third Law of Motion. Each action has an equal and opposite reaction. “The statement means that in every interaction, there is a pair of forces acting on the two interacting objects. The size of the forces on the first object equals the size of the force on the second object. The direction of the force on the first object is opposite to the direction of the force on the second object.” (https://www.physicsclassroom.com/class/newtlaws/Lesson-4/Newton-s-Third-Law#:~:text=Formally%20stated%2C%20Newton’s%20third%20law,force%20on%20the%20second%20object.)

Those words were the force and the riot was the reaction and the push back to the force. Basically, cause and effect. And now there is an indelible bloodstain on the hands of the president as well as other government officials who supported him, including those from my own state.

I doubt the president has the capacity to understand the meaning of the words from the letter, much less feel any remorse. But I do know of Mr. Brooks’ work throughout North Alabama and hope that these words pierce his conscience as they pierced my heart when I read them. I know Mr. Brooks has a conscience. I do feel his words will haunt him. I feel there will be remorse. Eventually. It may take some time, but the old saying is that time heals all wounds. I am truly praying that time will heal the wounds of my country. To be such a young country, we have gone through a lot and some things have been at the hands of our own citizens. I pray our citizens open their eyes and see that they’re doing nothing but destroying the country they so claim to love. If you truly love this country, you’ll stop. You will dig deep and realize that as an adult there are times when we endure things we don’t like. We do things for the greater good. We adult when we don’t want to. We behave like civilized people. We do not behave as King George did in 1776, which caused the American Revolution.

We all know the preamble to the Declaration of Independence. But do you know this: “He has excited domestic insurrections amongst us, and has endeavoured to bring on the inhabitants of our frontiers, the merciless Indian Savages whose known rule of warfare, is an undistinguished destruction of all ages, sexes and conditions.”

This is exactly what happened recently by our own fellow citizens. Our country should learn from the past and do better in the future. And right now I want to feel better. I want my soul to not hurt. I want to know that everything is going to be ok tomorrow and the next day and the day after.

God bless you and please…God bless the USA.

American Angst

Right now our country is filled with angst, sorrow and anger. We are a nation in pain. I hurt so much for my country that I cannot even truly express it even in writing. I love my country. And that means every color of person living in it.

I have been watching as much news as I can tolerate. I can only take so much, though. Some people sit with it on 24/7. I can’t. It just makes me feel so defeated. I am not putting my head in the sand and hiding from the atrocious acts that are happening, but I am limiting my viewing of it.

I am glad that I watched a Facebook live last night. Well, let me re-phrase that…I am glad I was aware that one of my friends in Birmingham, AL was attacked. I was not glad to see that attack on the air and not know if he was ok for a while. That was scary. I was panicked and filled with anger and anxiety and fear to not know what was going on with my friend. To not know if he was beaten to death in the streets. He was there doing his job; he’s a reporter. The mob turned on him and started beating the shit out of him. It is one thing when you see something on television that is horrific, but it is quite another when you know the people involved.

I do understand the anger and the rage at the death of George Floyd. I am angry as well. I even understand the protests because nothing was done immediately. And there’s still cops that haven’t been arrested. And I don’t believe the autopsy results. But the violence and destruction hasn’t necessarily been about George Floyd or any other deaths. It has been people just trying to take the spotlight away from his death. And it needs to stop. People are getting hurt unnecessarily. Mr. Floyd’s brother has requested that it stop.

I want justice for all of the deaths that have occurred and I will shout that from the rooftops. I have argued with family members about it. I have argued about why the black community is so angry and have family completely angry with me about my position. But I will continue with my beliefs and my position because I believe that strongly. But I will not support violence that hurts other people or property. At first, I got the initial property damage because the initial rage needed to be dealt with. But now I believe that common sense and decency should prevail.

Please look at what is going on and see that there are people that do care. Yes, I am white, but I am someone who cares. I truly care. I want justice. Not for only George Floyd. I want it for Ahmaude Aubery and Breonna Taylor and everyone else unjustly killed.

I want justice. But just as they were innocent, I don’t want other innocent people to suffer because of the sins of other people. It wasn’t fair for George, Ahmaude or Breonna and it isn’t fair to anyone else.