Category Archives: Work/Employment/Necessary Evil


I am tired. Physically. Mentally. Spiritually. And any other tired you can be. I. Am. Tired.

My job duties have increased significantly. My pay has not. My frustration has increased significantly as well. This past week I really had to work hard to keep myself from blowing my top. I have worked 60 hours this week in actual work. I volunteered about 5 hours. I also planned work about 2 extra hours. I am exhausted.

In the hierarchy in my workplace, there’s my director, my supervisor and then me. My director has been handing me work left and right. I am supposed to tell my supervisor when he does this so she is aware and will not pass extra stuff to me so that I can complete his stuff. So I have let her know that he has given me extra work. I think instead of trying to lighten my load that my direct supervisor has actually added to it. It’s like she can’t stand the director is trusting me with more stuff to do.

I have been spending thousands of dollars purchasing things for a new construction area. She typically does this. I guess she saw this as a slight. Whatever…it’s actually been a pain for me because I really don’t have time to do all of this research and shopping but yet I am having to do it.

I am a lowly peon. I should be doing lowly peon work, right? Nope. I have also been supervising an employee that my manager should be supervising. She passes her off to me but God forbid I seem like I am “supervising”. I have to do it in a way that seems like I am not. It’s a damn fine line.

Then on Friday my director comes in wanting me to handle a couple of tasks that day. I told him that I would be glad to do that but I couldn’t handle everything that he was giving to me and expecting to be done immediately. I needed to be able to focus and not have someone sitting with me all day long and chatting. I needed to focus and be able to really work and that wasn’t possible when I was having to do the supervising. He said he would talk to my supervisor. I think that didn’t go so well. Friday was a shitty day and I was ready to quit by lunch.

I found out that there was something I should have been ordering that I had never been told to order. Of course my supervisor told me over and over, escalating in loudness, that “no, you should have ordered them at some time over the last 3 years” and I said I had not done that. She then told me over and over, loudly, that I just must have forgotten. She was like a dog with a bone. She wasn’t going to drop it. I even walked away to just make it stop. She followed me to keep saying it. Then she had the audacity to say, “You’re acting like you’re mad!” I told her, “I am not going to argue about this. I didn’t know, but I know now.” She really couldn’t stand that I was so quiet and calm. She went and smoked and then came back and was like, “I didn’t mean to be argumentative but I was just upset.” I almost said that I was upset, too, but I didn’t yell at her or argue. I just stopped talking because there was nothing that was going to appease her.

As the day went on I kept trying to work on what the director wanted. I kept getting pulled away from it. I guess it didn’t matter that he gave the directive to let me work on what he needed done. He left work around 1:30ish. I finally got everything done around 4 pm.

I shut everything down at 4:50 so that I could leave at 5. At 5, I picked up my stuff and locked my door and said “have a good weekend. Bye!” And I left. That’s how most people leave work.

Well, I guess my supervisor was still feeling guilty over her rampage from earlier, I get a text at 5:30 saying I left abruptly and was everything ok? I told her everything was fine and I was tired and wanted to leave on time for once this week. I also thanked her for checking on me. I didn’t reply to any more messages.

I am already dreading Monday. That should be a cluster. Thankfully I am only working 4 days next week. Thankfully! I cant take much more of that.



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Did I really work today?

Today I went in to work with the best of intentions to get so much work done. I had plans! I had many things to accomplish. That went to hell in a hand basket within an hour. It was as if someone picked up my list and lit it on fire and laughed in my face.

We have an employee who is usually a manual labor employee who is on light duty right now. Great. I feel sorry for the situation and am trying to find work for this person. My boss keeps popping into my office every few minutes, “Do you have anything for them to do? BTW, your office is a mess!?” I looked up from my 6 stacks of to-do things and in a completely dead-pan voice replied, “Yes, it’s a mess and I am trying to get to it but I keep getting interrupted. And I need to finish these emails and then I can find something for them.” She didn’t get my hint that I was referring to her interruptions and continued with, “Well I need something NOW!” She then ran out of my office in what I recall the way the Tasmanian Devil did in the cartoons. It wasn’t funny, though. At all.

I finally said I was at lunch and shut my door and turned the lights down. I was secretly working on some stuff just to get it done. Guess who came in! Surprise!!!!!! “Why are you working on that? You’re supposed to be at lunch!” It was soooo tempting to ask, “Then why are you in my office?????” I didn’t, though. I told her I needed to get it off my desk so I could focus on lunch.

The craziness went on all day long. I mean all day. I was also dragged out to do work that other employees should be doing. Then the boss argues with me about how it needs to be done. Later, though, she tells me how she couldn’t have done it without me. I didn’t say, “Oh that’s ok!” I really wasn’t in the mood.

It amazes me that managers insult you like crazy and then act like all is fine. I was so angry. I felt like I had a day with an abusive boyfriend or something.

So today I pretty much did my job about 15% of the day and other people’s stuff as well as spinning in circles for 85% of the rest of the day. I think tomorrow I have about 20 emails from today to handle. I also have to finish coding several bills for accounts payable. I also have to find more stuff for the injured employee. Lord help me!




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It’s All About Attitude!

Isn’t it amazing how when presented with information that a positive attitude makes things so much better? If I am told the same thing by 2 people and one had a good attitude and one was negative, I am going to prefer what the good attitude person said better. It doesn’t matter if it is about something good or bad, the good attitude is usually going to win.

Yesterday was the beginning of my new job. We were inundated with information. I literally came home with a headache and fell asleep for an hour. While some of it was tedious information that I needed to know, the people presenting it were happy with their jobs and in life in general. I am by no means Miz Mary Sunshine. In fact, they usually annoy me if it is overkill. These were just nice people who weren’t over the top. It was kind of amazing.

Another amazing thing was that the new place has all these different employee programs/benefits we can start using right away! It meant a lot to me that these people don’t hate their jobs or the people they work with enough to spend their precious personal time together! While that may not sound like a big deal to anyone else, I am coming from an environment where we couldn’t wait to escape each other and the location. Spending additional time together was like torture. Seeing people who like each other and like to do activities is really inspiring. (My younger self might not have thought so, but my older self sees the value in this.)

Yesterday had a profound effect on me. I really see how a good attitude can be so beneficial.

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Is it good or bad?

I have a new job and start on Monday. I was going to work part time at old job but boss told me today that she has decided that they no longer need me. She kinda acted like the idea of me leaving was all hers and she was letting me go. I was going to stay and try to assist them and also my bank account. I realize she was probably pissed off and has been silently seething, but I think she just cut off her nose to spite her face. I am not the best employee to ever do that job but currently I would say that I am. I would want to keep that experience around. I asked her if she was implying that I was leaving on bad terms and she said “I wouldn’t necessarily say that.” What the hell kind of answer is that? I tried to do the right thing with them for several years. The reason I am leaving is because of her. I cannot take her passive aggressiveness any longer. I can’t take her blatant assumptions of guilt for something because an employee doesn’t want to do their job and so they complain to her. I can’t take the continued show of favoritism. She wants employees who kiss her ass rather than do their work. I tried to just focus on my job and leave her alone as much as humanly possible. Why? Because she was THAT bad! And then she tries to act like she is essentially firing me? Ummm….no. I am leaving on my own accord. I offered to help because I knew it was a difficult time. Is it going to be the end all, be all of my existence? HELL NO!

A part of me wants to meet with her boss and have a good heart-to-heart with him and let him know all her sins. But I am not going to do that. Why? Because I am going to let her screw herself over by doing something so bad that another good employee walks. I have been there for years and am leaving. That should say something right there. If management isn’t doing their jobs properly, good employees will find other jobs. It’s that simple.

At first I viewed her saying she didn’t want me to work part time as a bad thing. I do need the money. I am not going to lie. But honestly, my sanity is priceless. And karma is a bitch. So in the end she will get what’s coming and it won’t be pretty and I won’t have that drama or stress in my life any longer.

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A Sigh of Relief

This week my references sang my praises like I was a saint. The human resources lady said that the only thing they both recommended was that I take more time for myself because I was so responsible and I was the person who wanted to make sure things got done. That honestly made me happy to hear that others thought of me in such a positive light.

Over the years, I have come to a point where I felt like I couldn’t do anything right. I felt as if I was in an abusive relationship. I only heard negative and my life revolved around work for so many years. And it irritated me that my manager didn’t appreciate that and then felt like criticizing everything about me was her mission in life. I didn’t understand her. I know I wasn’t perfect, but I got the job done. I kept that place running when we couldn’t reach management. I have come to the conclusion that this person didn’t like people who could actually think for themselves. I didn’t view her as a superior. I viewed her as my manager, but she wasn’t better than me. I think that bothered her. So she used the power she did have to put me down. Then she allowed others to do so. That’s abusive and is essentially a hostile work environment.

I have been thinking about this new job and am so relieved to be leaving the negativity. My family and friends have been telling me, “You’re not going to know what to do with yourself!” (meaning I won’t be on call all the time and will not be working at random times any longer.) They’re right and wrong. I am excited about free time. I am excited about new friends. I am excited about working on weight loss. I am just EXCITED! It’s a strange feeling to have. Excitement. Me? Yep. I am.

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Good & Worried

I got the job! They are checking my references, which are spotless. They’re doing a background check. Since I am mostly well behaved, that is fine. They said if everything comes back good, then it is mine. So they haven’t TOLD me yet if it has. I need to turn in my notice. I’m not throwing out my job in hell until I know without any doubt that this is mine! So I worry.

But I am excited, too! It’s with a LARGE organization. I’ll be an office assistant, but I won’t be just sitting in an office! I’ll get to travel 1 day a week, using a company vehicle to other locations. I’ll get to run to other buildings and take care of making sure that the facility is maintained. I will have STEADY work hours. I’ll have better benefits that are cheaper.

I am thankful. And worried. 🙂

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Should I Dare?

I have hope and I wonder if I should dare to do that. Is it tempting fate? Is it a way to get hurt? I don’t know. As some of you know, I have been on the quest for new employment. I had an interview last week and it went really well. I got a call that I missed (because I was asleep from working all night the previous evening) saying that they were calling to discuss my recent interview. I called back but she was already gone. I have been anxious and hopeful all weekend. Most rejections are in the form of ignoring the interviewee after the fact, an email or a form letter. This was a real call! A bona fide cheery call. I’ve been replaying the voicemail and listening for a trace of negativity in it. There was none. I have analyzed the words until I’m sick of myself and my crazy brain that wants to know the what-ifs of everything.

It is now after 4am on what is now Monday morning. I feel like a kid waiting on Santa Claus. I am hoping there isn’t a bag of switches or a lump of coal waiting on me. I’m hoping to hear, “Anonymous, you have a job with a great organization and we want you to start immediately!”

Say a prayer. Think a good thought. I’m about to jump out of my skin!

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