Shutting My Brain Down

I hate my brain at times. It won’t shut down. It replays painful things and analyzes them. Why did this happen? What is wrong with me? What is wrong with him? Am I going to always hurt?

I want to go to bed right now but my brain is spinning. It won’t stop. I hurt but yet I am very angry. I want to tell him off but that is pointless. He would take it as “she still wants me” and what it really is is the fact that I think he is a pompous asshole who needs to be told that treating people that way is shitty.

I didn’t turn my love off. I can’t do that. But I realized that his treatment of me was horrific. My heart is still tender. I am sure it will be for a bit. I loved him honestly and without stipulations. He put limitations and stipulations on his feelings for me and placed blame on me for everything. That’s not fair or right.

I’m hurt and angry. At him, myself, God, the world…

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