Alcohol doesn’t lie

I am a God-fearing Christian woman. Make no mistake. But I am hurting tonight. On Valentine’s Day and the day after my heart was hurt and yet hurt yet again. He said he loved me but he didn’t want to be in a relationship with me. I’m hurting tonight and the only way I knew to ease that pain somehow was to drink. I have drunk so much that I can’t feel my tongue and the room spins when I close my eyes.

I’m going to be truthful, though. I thought he was the one. I thought we could overcome and surpass anything. I loved him. How stupid I am to think that in my mid 40s? Pretty damn stupid.

So tonight I got drunk. Really drunk. I’m examining my life and it really sucks. I am not suicidal but I am so hurt and angry right now that i don’t know what to do or say.

I believed. I really did. Now I don’t know what I think. I believe it for others but not for myself. It’s too late.

Humans want to have love. It is something we crave. I have wanted it since I was a child..to feel truly loved. And I haven’t felt loved, never completely. For a brief moment I did. And then it was over. On Valentine’s Day and the day after. How romantic.

So now the pain has caught up and I’m drunk and hurt. Is it good to do this? No. But I don’t have anyone to turn to. I’m alone. I just want to cry to someone. I can’t. So I type and cry to you. I believed. I did.

So while every other aspect of life is so -so, this one is debilitating. I just want to hibernate and sleep or cry. I hurt.

 

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2 Comments

Filed under Life In General, Men, Uncategorized

2 responses to “Alcohol doesn’t lie

  1. It’s not bad to drink in my opinion, you must let all those feelings out, and if alcohol is the way for you then do it! Don’t damage your health or become dependant but for the times when you can, and you really hurt, then why not! Heartbreak is one of the most painful things, people would rather go through labour again than experience it. Speak to people, try and get yourself out there, I’m not saying for a relationship but to make some friends or just to kill some time! If you’re really put off by that then maybe some online chat rooms or even read a book? A romantic one, to help you believe no matter what age, you can always find love. All the best

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