Self Analyzation

There has been a lot going on lately with others around me and it has made me really think. Big discovery! I’m a bitch. I don’t want to be. But I am. Actually, I am an envious bitch.

It makes me sad to know this about myself. I have had several conversations with myself about it telling myself that I am really happy for others. I am really not all that bad. Bottom line is, yeah, I am that bad. But the truth is that I really don’t want to be.

What’s going on? Well, I have been single for quite some time. I have come to terms with it. I have pushed the married men away who keep hitting on me and am just trying to be happy on my own. Accept what is and live my life. Suddenly I am surrounded by family and friends who are getting pregnant or married or both. I feel surrounded by people who I should be happy for and yet a piece of me is not the least bit happy for them. Now the majority of me is happy for them but i will say about 8% of me doesn’t give 2 shits about it and actually wants to tell them to shut the hell up. Some of them are sensitive to others. But some of them prattle on and on about it to the point where I just want to vomit at their feet and tell them that is what I think about it. And yes, I am a 40 something year old woman and shouldn’t behave like a 12-year-old, but sometimes the inner child wants to break free.

So now the whole world knows that Anonymous is an uncaring, self-centered bitch whose heart hurts every time she hears about engagement rings, wedding plans and baby reveal parties. I’m at a point where I may have to take a Facebook break just to avoid seeing all of that mess for a while. The other day I literally broke down in tears after seeing 5 different posts. So that is what I am thinking and feeling.

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1 Comment

Filed under Life In General

One response to “Self Analyzation

  1. I know it hurts. I have had too many of those envious moments. I wrote about how it feels (https://sheialanipov.wordpress.com/2015/07/14/envious-anybody/ ). anyhoo you should know you are not the only one. everybody has their moments but you should always look forward.

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