This week my references sang my praises like I was a saint. The human resources lady said that the only thing they both recommended was that I take more time for myself because I was so responsible and I was the person who wanted to make sure things got done. That honestly made me happy to hear that others thought of me in such a positive light.
Over the years, I have come to a point where I felt like I couldn’t do anything right. I felt as if I was in an abusive relationship. I only heard negative and my life revolved around work for so many years. And it irritated me that my manager didn’t appreciate that and then felt like criticizing everything about me was her mission in life. I didn’t understand her. I know I wasn’t perfect, but I got the job done. I kept that place running when we couldn’t reach management. I have come to the conclusion that this person didn’t like people who could actually think for themselves. I didn’t view her as a superior. I viewed her as my manager, but she wasn’t better than me. I think that bothered her. So she used the power she did have to put me down. Then she allowed others to do so. That’s abusive and is essentially a hostile work environment.
I have been thinking about this new job and am so relieved to be leaving the negativity. My family and friends have been telling me, “You’re not going to know what to do with yourself!” (meaning I won’t be on call all the time and will not be working at random times any longer.) They’re right and wrong. I am excited about free time. I am excited about new friends. I am excited about working on weight loss. I am just EXCITED! It’s a strange feeling to have. Excitement. Me? Yep. I am.