Shaken Faith

Have you ever had your faith in God or humanity shaken? Where you were just unsure whether anything good could happen again? Mine has been wobbly before, but recently it was completely shaken. I am at a point where I am wondering whether any workplace is going to be good. Is God just going to keep allowing me to be treated like crap while high-school-acting females get away with murdering my career?

I have lost most everyone I cared about in life and most things. I have always worked hard, though, and managed to survive. I am at a point now where I no longer feel like I am surviving.

Is there such thing as karma? What about reaping what we sow? I have heard the phrase “you reap what you sow” several times tonight and wondered about that. Was it an implication that I had done something wrong? Or was it something foretelling that the vipers would get back what they had done? I am not sure.

Right now I am hurt and angry. I am also shocked that Satan can’t see through what is going on and do something to stop it. I actually said that I felt like she needed to stop the drama and she said she couldn’t stop them from talking but yet I needed to watch what I said and did. I may ask her if she can pass down edicts to me why she can’t seem to do that for anyone else. I am expected to follow a certain set of rules but no one else is.

Right now I am so angry and stressed that my jaw is actually hurting from clenching it. My mouth hurts. I couldn’t eat and now my head is throbbing. And a part of me wants to pray but yet I can’t. I don’t know what to say. If I ask, “Why?” I know that I won’t get an answer. So for the moment prayer feels futile. My mind is racing and while I am sleepy, I can’t sleep. My faith is shaken.

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