My anxiety has been a much higher rate than normal. I have always had some anxiety, but it was manageable until six years ago. I was physically assaulted by someone who was completely out of control. From that point on, I had hypervigilence, nightmares, panic attacks and general anxiety.
My life has felt out of control lately. I truly hate my job…to the point of tears before going there at times. My boss goes out of her way to be rude and ugly to me. I have looked up hostile work environment laws and workplace bullying and don’t know if I have anything to work with because she is attacking me personally and not because of a legitimate group that is typically discriminated against. My adopted mother has been sick and is now considered terminally ill. My cousin died a couple of months ago and it was devastating.
All of these things have caused my anxiety to go through the roof. I called my doctor to ask for a refill on Xanax but was told I would need to come in for an appointment. I have worked 15 days straight and at this point in the month (August 30, 2014) I have had 3 days off this month. One of those was a sick day. I have been unable to make an appointment due to my erratic work schedule. I never knew when I would be off. So finally I was at the end of my rope. I was having a full-fledged meltdown. I called the doctor’s office and told them I was unable to deal with things at the current rate. I couldn’t get an appointment with my doctor that day but I could be seen by someone else. I didn’t care. I went. When I got there, my blood pressure was higher than it has ever been. It was 152/95. That isn’t good. I was upset because the thought of going to work in the state I was in was causing more anxiety. It was not a good day. The doctor came in and was like “DAMN!” I was so grateful that she saw the reaction. Tears streamed as I talked to her and explained my situation. She realized I wasn’t a drug seeker and gave me a prescription immediately. I hadn’t had a prescription of Xanax in almost a year. I told her I needed something that wasn’t so sedating but would assist at work. She also gave me buspar. It has helped tremendously.
Life is up in the air right now. I still have anxiety. But it is becoming manageable.